I hate living out of suitcases......

They say that the best relationships are comprised of opposites. KaChing! That's us. A hidden microphone in our home would exhibit how we differ in what we look forward to on our proposed travels. You'll probably wonder how this couple ever got together.

Gerri: …....'and we'll pick up our rental car and explore the wild coastline, venture into the outback and hike the green mountains. We'll search for penguins, koalas and kangaroos. We'll find a little inn or B&B each night and frequent delis, grocery counters & local cafes for meals. We'll geocache and prowl into the back streets..............'

Fernie: …....'I'll let our room steward know that we want new wine glasses every day and to expect a daily load of laundry & dry cleaning. I'll get my tuxedo pressed for the formal dinners and we'll get our daily exercise by walking a couple of miles around the deck every morning, back to the cabin for showers and then to breakfast..................'

This is why we often combine rough & tumble land holidays followed by a cruise and also why I refer to Fernie as 'the cruise guy'. The most difficult thing for me with cruising has been to deal with the so-called relaxing days at sea. All I could think of was what we were missing on land. But my type-A days are over - I hope; we're retired now which means there's no more rushing around and I'm going to work hard at relaxing (now that's an oxymoron).

And so after much anticipation and research, it's time to venture forth.

“I hate the flying part!” I whined to my daughter and anyone else who would listen “The security lineups where I always seem to forget one little item that they don't approve of, even though I think that I've put all liquids or sharp objects into Ziploc (the new\Kleenex) bags. But on past flights, I've lost tweezers, nail clippers and creams to those officious homeland security twirps; the lugging of the always over packed luggage (hmmmmm, what came first – lug or luggage?); the never-ending hanging around airports and the long flights in cramped spaces.
“They don't do air travel the way they used to” I spouted condescendingly (when did I turn into my parents where things were always better in the old days). “I remember when we were treated royally and served delicious gourmet meals; now they throw a bag of pretzels at you and expect you to be so grateful.” So my expectations were low as we headed off to Vancouver Airport with about twenty-six hours of air travel ahead of us before we reached Melbourne, Australia. Just two flight segments – Vancouver to LA on Alaska Airlines (we have a bad history with Alaska – but that's another story) and then Qantas from LA to Melbourne. Qantas had already screwed up our seat assignments on the 15 ½ hour segment with Fernie separate from me about 30 rows back in the middle of a threesome. Many phone calls and emails did not resolve the problem. So I pushed the concern out of my mind and decided to accept 'whatever!' We stoically carried on and had the wonderful surprise that they magically altered our seats for us to be together in a back row – giving us so much extra room and nobody behind us. Then I pushed a button and as the seat back reclined, the seat itself maneuvered itself forward and up to the most amazingly comfortable position while a hammock-style footrest ensconced my aching feet in a chrysalis of comfort. 'I think I'm going to like Qantas' I thought – and they didn't let up. The meals were outstanding, and for the long overnight stretch, we were given a bag of snacks and bottled drinks along with socks, eye-shades, toothbrush and paste and other miscellaneous items. The seat back LCD screens were larger than usual and the picture was crisp and clear – all the better to watch a choice of 40 films, a multitude of TV shows, sports and travel specials, new music CD's as well as all the usual choices, a myriad of games including poker, stock quotes, etc etc etc. I watched 4 movies and listened to all the premiered musical albums as well as browsed some of the travel shows. I hardly slept a wink but the 15 ½ hours passed in no time. I paid for it later that day though with a nasty jet lag, complete with nausea and weakness and a tendency to want to cry for no reason. But I went to bed at 8:30pm and didn't get up 'til 6:30 next morning and I was all back to normal.

We lost a whole day.....somehow, November 5th was obliterated as we crossed the date line to arrive in Melbourne with a 19 hour time difference on Friday morning, November 6th.. Too bad we didn't leave on November 8th and we'd have lost the 9th my birthday) which I guess would mean I wouldn't age a year this year and Fernie who's one year my junior would have caught up to me.


It's really hard to travel frugally in Australia. The cost of living is extremely high. A budget hotel in a small town runs $100 to $120 and the price of meals just blew us away even in the humblest of cafes. We picked up a lot of fruit, snacks and sandwich ingredients at supermarkets but I almost fell over when grapes were $11 a kilogram. It's a very comfortable place to visit and until you hear the Australian accents, you'd think you were back in Vancouver. The ethnic mix is similar, as are the clothing styles and the cleanliness of the city.


However, on Saturday evening when the young all congregated in the city core and along the riverbank lined with restaurants and bars, that's when we noticed how different they were....they really dressed up; the young men in black suits and ties (in the unbearable heat) and the girls in micro-mini skirts, 5 inch spike heels and funny little hats....a curly feather and a froth of net on the sides of their heads.


A van packed full of rowdy young women in their twenties cruised by slowly with a monstrous rubber penis hanging out the window. “Come on, give it a cuddle” they called out to me when they caught me taking a photo. I sensibly turned down their offer. It was funny to watch the reactions of the young men. Unlike what I thought, they made a point not to look at it or react in any way....is it threatening to see women en masse making fun of their most precious part?



Australians don't tip! Now that's my kind of people. I hate the North American tipping habit, Americans now expecting 20%. I can almost hear some of you mumbling about how 'cheap' I am; not at all ---- I just don't think the tipping thing works. Just put up prices and pay the employees more – and I won't complain. The service in Australia is just as good as we're used to so it just shows that people generally want to do a good job. When tipping was initiated, it was by the 'elite' (wealthy); TIPS is an acronym for 'to insure prompt service' and those that were used to clicking their fingers to their servants started this flawed tradition but let's face it, it just doesn't fit with our current day society. Imagine saving up hard-earned money to go for dinner at a high end restaurant and feeling you have to pay the waiter a 15 to 20% tip when you know his take home pay is way more than yours.


The temperature in Melbourne was perfect the day we arrived, about 15 degrees in the morning and only going up to the low 20's that day. I just wish it had stayed that mild. Instead the following day, it soared into the 30's and it made traipsing around the city unbearably soppy and it continued to soar even higher into the middle 30's not sinking below 25 degrees overnight. We thought it normal but apparently not.....it's an unseasonable heat wave breaking records back to 1894. Early mornings are lovely and we made a habit of getting up and going by 6:30am. The city really looks after its tourists by operating a free tram that circles the city centre all day long. My only complaint was that it was stifling hot with all the people crammed inside, but when our feet just couldn't handle another mile, we put up with the stuffiness. Our shoe leather really took a beating as we explored the city but we found benches to rest up every so often.


Strange sounds emanated as we neared the commercial centre.'Did I hear distant strains of 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town'? No, it can't be ….. in this 35 degree heat...surely it isn't Xmas time. But, smack dab in the middle of town for a long city block at Bourke Street and Swanston, covered fences had been constructed encircling a stage and space for the thousands of kiddies who'd dragged their parents into town for the arrival of |Santa Claus. Silver tinsel rained from the sky changing to a fluffy white snow-like substance when Santa showed up and the noise was deafening. We ducked into David Jones department store to get away from the furor exiting further down the street where a huge plastic bedecked Xmas tree towered over the area. I felt as if I'd tumbled down a rabbit warren and discovered an alien civilization.

................Graffiti in the laneways of Melbourne

After a couple of days in Melbourne, we were well ready to venture out to the coast and get away from the hustle of the city. I'd arranged a rental car with Europcar who had an office just a kilometre away from our downtown hotel. Sunday morning, we stored our 'cruise luggage' at our hotel and dragged our little wheeled carry-ons down the street and across the Yarra River to the rental office. It's always an odd feeling to get into a car and ready oneself to drive on what feels like the 'wrong' side of the road especially to maneuver right turns.


It takes a couple of hours to feel relaxed and then a day later, it feels totally normal. Fernie says he just doesn't want to try it, so I've always been the one to drive in countries who drive on the other side. However, with my slowly encroaching cataracts, I really need a good co-pilot who can read the signs....because I sure can't.








We headed south-west from Melbourne to the coast and the Great Ocean Road, which I rank up there with the Big Sur coastline, the Oregon Coast, South Africa's Cape Peninsula and Italy's south western cliff-hugging drive. Absolutely magnificent mind-blowing scenes...the aquamarine and cerulean blues of ocean and sky, the vast white and golden sands, the varied shades of green on the hills and foliage and the brick red earth. Surfer-sized waves, rocks carved by the angry waters into grottoes, caves and arches and a winding road never wandering far from the edge for a couple of hundred miles. The sun scorched us as we made our way down rustic trails to the cliff-sides or beaches always on the lookout for geocaches. Spoiling this vision of utopia, were the thousands of nasty little flies that flew into our eyes and even into my mouth when I opened it to speak. They constantly bombarded us and we wondered if the locals were just used to them because none of them were dancing around waving and slapping like we were,. We stopped at a little cafe for breakfast (which was really expensive) and noticed tons of those larger nasty-looking flies all over the windows, that my mother used to call blue-bottles. - yuck!


That night we stayed in pretty little Port Campbell and found an air-conditioned motel overlooking the bay, because it was just too darned hot. The little town was full of other tourists, some if them backpackers in the local hostel and it seemed they were all my least favourite ethnicity – Germans. I hate to stereotype but other than the Germans, the Quebec French Canadians that we've encountered traveling in the south-eastern United States are always extremely rude, unfriendly and pushy. And the Germans that day in Port Campbell upheld that preconception – in the grocery store, I was jostled, I was unable to pass large groups even when loudly saying 'excuse me'. I had to resort to body-checking and just barging through and that's not part of my gentile nature.


We circled back inland through idyllic farms, ranches and wineries and took a ferry south of Melbourne across the mouth of Port Phillip Bay from Queenscliff to Sorrento. This way we didn't have to drive back through the busy traffic in the city. Our target was Phillip Island where we planned to visit the penguins and koalas. It's a peaceful and charming rural island and we found a lovely little motel, a bit cheaper than last night's at $93 - it was $120 in Port Campbell. The fairy penguins are the big draw on Phillips Island; they come back in every evening when the sun goes down after a day spent at sea hunting and gorging on fish. We were seated down front in bleachers beside the beach waiting patiently for the exodus of the little birds when some latecomers arrived escorted by a tiny middle-aged woman (their translator) – a tribe of Japanese men clothed in full business attire, suits and ties, and clasping big woolen blankets in front of them. As were almost everyone else there, we were wearing shorts (capris for me) and tshirts and even though the sun was down, it was still warm. They gestured with their right hand, much like the penguins aimed their heads towards home, where they wanted to sit and two of them sat right in front of us and two more beside and the others spread around where they could find empty seats. The nattering gentlemen who didn't seem to understand one word of English wrapped themselves up in one fuzzy blanket while sitting on another – obviously cold blooded. They aggravated me because when the English announcements were broadcast that the penguins were arriving, they continued to chatter but when their little woman got on the PA and spoke in Japanese, all were quiet. But the show was about to begin. The petite navy blue and white creatures are the tiniest penguin species and hence referred to as 'fairy penguins' and they arrive on shore in groups waiting for the rest of their gang before they venture across the beach and up the sandy corridor to their warrens where their babies await. They feel that there is safety in numbers and they can be quite skittish if they perceive any threatening movements. Their little waddling gait with heads bent forward towards their target is so adorable that even though warned, the audience couldn't help a rumbling chorus of oohs and aahs. Babies waited back in the bushes but came out to the paths when they thought their mothers were coming but the babies don't recognize their mothers and so accost other penguins who give them a nasty peck to 'get away'. Luckily, the mothers recognize their young and always eventually find them, then regurgitate their stomach contents for the babies to feed. We were warned to look under our cars before driving away because sometimes some of the little enguins wandered into the parking lot. How horrible to think we could make roadkill of these precious little birds.


The next morning dawned to be another scorching day so we headed out early to explore the rest of the island looking for geocaches on the way. There's a Koala Conservation Refuge on the island protecting the beautiful little teddy bears from their biggest danger, the traffic. The bears roam freely throughout the preserve in the eucalyptus forest surrounded by specially constructed fences and they feel no threat from the human visitors; they snooze while hugging a tree trunk only a few feet away from the raised boardwalks. An interesting fact – to me anywayz: female koalas hate the sex act and scream for the entire 20 seconds of it but they're usually impregnated and then never see the males again if they can help it. So, when you see two koalas close together in the trees, it's usually mother and baby. The south-eastern corner of Australia is so exceptionally picturesque and as we ventured north by the coastal route, we meandered through picture-book farms and wineries soaring over the thickly treed hills glimpsing the many protected bays down below. I always thought that the English countryside was so beautiful, but I think that Australia gives the Brits a run for their money...and my money's on the Ozzies. We spent the night in Bateman's Bay in a lovely little motel with a balcony overlooking the sea and we slept with the door open and the balmy breezes lulling us to sleep.




The drivers in Australia are so un-confrontational and mostly abide by the rules. The young woman who rented our car out to us told us that the police only allowed a 3km variance from the posted limits before they ticketed 'That's why so many guys in Melbourne don't have drivers' licenses' she said. And out in the country roads, there are so many 'overtaking' lanes that if someone comes up behind you and wants to get by, there'll always be another overtaking lane just ahead. Some of the roads are very narrow by north American standards and don't have shoulders and yet that are many caravans (trailers) on the roads; it must be a bit of a nightmare trying to navigate the snaky mountain lanes. A lot of the motorhomes are built on a very narrow frame but we were surprised to see American sized 5th wheels and trailers and motorhomes too. There are caravan parks everywhere and they usually also have cabins of some sort to rent. We thought we'd give them a go but found most of them were more expensive than the motels and we really didn't want the family appurtenances that were offered.


Canberra, Australia's capital is located inland between Melbourne and Sydney and when we arrived it was once again extremely hot. The Parliament building, ultra modern when it was built in 1988 and fairly stark, is the focal point of Canberra with roads spreading out like spokes on a wheel.


Too hot to mooch around outside, we hooked onto a tour of the House of Parliament but after an hour of traipsing behind the tour guide and listening to a multitude of constitutional questions, our eyes glazed over and we snuck away up to the roof for the view over the city. Eight years ago on our first visit to Australia, we intended to visit Canberra but forest fires were raging all around the city and the temperature was over 40 degrees, so we wanted to see it this visit. There's not much else to the city though, other than a half dozen museums. I didn't even get a geocache there.


We mosied on out of town and headed towards Sydney, figuring if we could find a motel within an hour of Sydney Airport, we could get the car back by 9 am and save a whole days rental. The skies had turned black and threatening as we headed north and just as we found a motel in Campbelltown, long zig-zags of lightning scored the sky and the thunder deafened us. Just as we got to our room, the skies opened up – we were just in the nick of time. An little while later, when I was about to climb into the shower, only a dribble of water seeped from the taps and we looked out front to an oozing fountain of water cascading from broken water mains …..... which didn't get repaired for several hours. I was getting worried and was just about to ask the motel staff if they'd give us a discount being waterless when it suddenly came on again.

Wifi in Australia is hard come by. Apparently broadband service is sold by GBs used and there are no monthly all-you-can-use plans. This of course means that there are no free connections to be found and pirated from -- other than MacDonalds and that was awfully slow. So I was delighted when the motel provided us with a self-installing internet stick sand I looked forward to a night of catching up on emails, banking, Facebook and publishing a blog. The software installed with ease but when I attempted to start the program, I got the message 'this program will not work on screen resolutions below 800 x 600 – 'no problem' I thought and tried to change the resolution to a size it liked. But after many changes and several reboots, it still wouldn't operate. “This must be Friday the 13th” I thought but no it was still only Thursday.